A Kindler, Gentler Cadmus
by BlueBird722
Summary: Prompt 28: "So far this week…they've tried to make pets of snapping turtles, an alien, a rabid fox, a lion, a vulture, a Russell's viper, a black widow spider, and a tree?" A 50-word series on Cadmus Labs-the humor, the sad, and the tragic.


Welcome, welcome! I'm so glad you decided to read this! It's a fifty-word series of typical life in Cadmus Labs, the small rebellions of the creatures, and the humorous relationships between the scientists and Genomorphs. This is supposed to detail life after 'Fireworks', before and after 'Agendas,' and before 'Auld Acquaintance.' However, some of these appear after the five-year gap.

I don't know how many people will welcome this since Cadmus is a 'rare subject' and we've only seen negative events and situations there. However, I chose to write this after watching 'Agendas' and the finale and began after 'Salvage.' In my opinion, I think it turned out to be kind of funny.

Oh yeah, if some of the species of the 'living weapons' are unfamiliar to you, you can check them out on the YJ wikia.

And all my thanks will pass out to **laociao**'s Teen Titans story 'Este' and 'Bonds' by **and that's all she wrote** for the inspiration.

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**1. Dolls**

Guardian walked in on Emma in his office. The G-Elf froze and looked up at him. Guardian shrugged and walked away, Emma relieved he did not see her playing 'make-out and sexy time' with Guardian and Dr. Spence-hand-made dolls Andrew made for the weapons.

**2. Spa**

"Our meaning really has gone from weapons to menial labor," Dubbilex growled angrily, throwing nasty looks to his colleagues-Guardian (or Jim) was lying shirtless and in short spandex shorts on a beach chair, happily sipping lemonade Grey held for him and enjoying the sun on his face while Amanda, in a red strapless one-piece, relaxed and enjoyed the manicures and fanning Malcolm provided. Little John sadly rubbed Jim's feet and oiled his front body ("For extra shine," he explained) and baby Ariel gave Amanda a shoulder rub and fruits. Dubbilex frowned when a smirking Jim rolled onto his stomach and requested Steve for his famous back rubs-Amanda called over Neal for a bottle of champagne.

The G-Goblin groaned and reluctantly joined Jim's back massage (shiver).

**3. Sleep**

The chief scientist, pretending to be oblivious of the small, genomorph-caused fire, laid her head back and held an open book over her eyes.

**4. Babysitting**

Nothing would have amused Spence or Dubbilex more than watching a retired Guardian carry little Lian around Cadmus and tell her about his old career, cloning, and her Uncle Conner's amazing liberation.

**5. Trick**

The G-Goblin would not have proceeded to, but he did find it funny, that he could purposely start a small fire so no one would notice him reading a bikini magazine.

**6. Experiment**

The female doctor had a small, gut-wrenching feeling that some of the genomorphs may have been created for experiments as well as livings weapons.

**7. Walking**

It was all Dubbilex's fault-he was the one who suggested they take the small G-Elves outside for walks like dogs. The total damage-ten terrified children who underwent therapy, nine cowardly dogs, eight pulverized ice cream stands, seven uprooted trees, six dead birds, five members of the League critically wounded in public, four paralyzed police officers, three sewers cracked and broken, two skyscrapers abandoned, and one extremely angry Guardian.

**8. Broom**

It never ceased to amuse the other scientists to watch the Genomorphs try to complete chores, no matter how small they were compared to the broom.

**9. Spine**

How the G-Goblin learned chiropractic adjustments was beyond Jim, but he enjoyed how Dubbilex seemed to know what he was doing when he cracked the redhead's back and shoulders-until a loud scream not only caused a horrible pain in Jim's neck but also a temporarily disability to talk or chew without pain for a week.

**10. Courtship**

It took ten G-creatures nine weeks, eight death threats, seven embarrassing tantrums, six days of severe punishments, five hours each day of headaches and sore throats from 'screaming', four employees suffering from trauma, three intentional fires, two broken bones, and one small plea to Conner, but at least the Boy of Steel somehow thought it funny when he joined the team that managed to convince Guardian to ask Dr. Spence out on a date.

**11. Soft**

The projects watched from behind the wall as Dr. Spence removed a sleeping Guardian's helmet and began to stroke back his baby soft carrot hair. "Sometimes such wonders are not a mystery," she sighed continuing to play with his wet spikes. He breathed so softly that she could not help but smile.

**12. Music**

The G-Goblin, who taught himself how to play the piano on a computer, struck a key on the computerized piano that brought joy to his hearing organs.

**13. Nightmare**

Jim sat up in his bed and screamed as loud as he could. Two minutes later, he realized he was still in his sleeping pants and wife beater, safely in bed. Jim shuddered and fell back in bed. "Oh God…I just had a nightmare that everything at Cadmus captured Amanda and me, and force-fed us lima beans…and expired cottage cheese..."

**14. Sleep**

The woman had fallen asleep in her lab, exhausted from hours of medical experiments. The chief of security roughly shook her shoulder. "Spence, wake up."

"Get out of my lab, or I'll kill you with my bare hands," the woman moaned.

**15. Paint**

Amanda smiled mischievously as she dabbed electric pink nail polish onto the claws of a patient G-Gnome.

**16. Clean**

When the Atlantian queen, her fellow Atlantian, and that fussy nanorobotic scientist came over to work on Cure-Tech, Dr. Spence felt slightly uncomfortable that one G-Gnome was cleaning himself (by licking himself) like a dog on one lab table.

**17. Influenza**

The G-Goblin wheezed in Dr. Spence's bed and reached for a small jar. "Would you please rub this on my chest and throat?" he croaked in a sick way, olfactory organs dripping snot.

Spence closed her eyes and bit her lip. "I can't believe I have to play nurse to a goblin," she muttered under her breath as he rolled his-or rather Jim's-pajama top up to his 'chin' and Spence flinched at the body underneath.

**18. Move**

Guardian watched stunned and horrified as Dubbilex led other G-Goblins, dwarves, gnomes, sprites, and elves to recreate the _Madagascar _"I Like to Move It Move It" dance scene. Dr. Spence covered her mouth to hide her laughter and Jim glared at her while she muffled her laughs at the goblin "shaking that tiny ass!"

**19. Party**

"Happy birthday, Dr. Spence," a helmetless Guardian greeted her with a small cupcake in his hands, two numbered candles spelling out 23.

"Thanks," she smiled taking the cupcake and making a wish as she blew out the candle.

When he opened the door, there was a small party that the genomorphs made, with good punch, mini bar, and properly cooked treats

**20. Bird**

The chief of security convinced the G-Dwarf to free the tiny canary it snatched out of thin air to raise as a pet, explaining that animals and other things are not meant to be caged and kept away from freedom.

**21. Wrong**

Dr. Spence looked up and told herself, "Oh God, this is worse than the time I caught the genomorphs drinking out of the toilet."

**22. Fable**

Of course Conner had to tell Lian the story of the liberation-he wanted to explain the importance of freedom, the joy of non-captive living, the way he felt guilty for not liberating his brothers in the way he was saved. When she asked what had happened to his brothers, he paused and honestly answered, "I honestly do not know."

**23. Christmas**

Although he didn't really have a family, Guardian was surprised to see a wrapped package on his desk come Christmas morning, Santa wrapping paper, and green ribbons-no card. Suspicious, he put on a protective mask, sat down and cut the ribbon off. To his surprise, it was a simple white Macy's box. He pulled the lid off and saw a card on top of red cloth-a card saying 'Merry Christmas.'

Guardian opened the card and saw a simple photograph of him, Dubbilex, and Dr. Spence on a couch when they posed for the official Cadmus picture. Beside that was a drawing of a G-Gnome. 'MERRY X-MAS!' heart, 'ALL THE CREATURES AT CADMUS!"

Guardian set the card aside and pushed aside the tissue paper and lifted…a Santa lingerie top with a belt, red Santa panties, candy cane stockings, a red bra with green polka dots, and Naughty and Nice bubble bath.

"Hey, what did you"-

Jim let the items fall on his lap as his female colleague walked in. She froze upon seeing his gift but shrugged knowing he would not want to answer the minor question. "Nothing. What, uh…"

Dr. Spence sighed. "Is that Bath and Body Works lotion? Trade you that for this…"

She reached into her pocket and tossed a small box onto his lap. "Trojans?" he asked. He looked up at her shy expression. "Uh, are you asking if I want the entire box?"

Before she could say yes, the G-Goblin walked in looking plain, but also stale. "Excuse me…do you two…know anyone who…eats Bacon Dog biscuits?"

**24. Thanksgiving**

The Thanksgiving they discovered Match and calmed Conner was a stressful day for the three main officers, but they were more than surprised when Gary, Alyssa, John, Jeff, and Ron cooked Thanksgiving dinner for them-the other scientists had left to eat with their families.

Jeff and Alyssa carried in a wide dish while Gary and the others brought in other large plates and Ron set the table and laid the napkins over the laps. "El turkey!" Jeff 'cried' pulling the lid away from the plate. Guardian's eyes widen, Dubbilex choked, and Amanda screamed.

Staring up at them was a dead, wet, feathered, foul-smelling, headed, and wide-eyed turkey lying on the plate.

Dr. Spence held her heart and panted while Guardian awkwardly cut the turkey in half and asked Ron for a sharper knife to remove the feathers "because you're not supposed to eat the feathers!"

Dubbilex pretended to eat and Spence wrapped the turkey into the napkin hoping nobody would see her. John and Gary laid a wide tray beside the abandoned turkey and pulled the foil away.

"Oh, sweet potato casserole," Dr. Spence sighed. Alyssa carried a knife and spatula, cut the casserole into a small block, and laid it on her plate. Spence cut the block in half…and frowned when she dug out a pink circle. "What's this?" she asked.

Although the weapons were educated, most could not speak proper English yet, so they often communicated via writing and letters. John pulled out a piece of paper, a pink crayon, and wrote in huge letters. "_We ran out of marshmallows, so we used the ones we picked out of Lucky Charms…" _Guardian's mouth dropped and the goblin politely refused his offering.

Gary and Jeff carried a huge pot from the kitchen and set it on the table. Dr. Spence and Dubbilex refused to speak, so Guardian casually asked, "What's that?"

"El soup,' Gary croaked pulling the lid off.

A foul odor nearly melted Jim's eyebrows off. Bubbling at him were raw beans and chunks of pepper. John and Ron handed him a bowl and watched eagerly as he lifted the spoon to his mouth-

Dr. Spence covered her eyes and Dubbilex looked away-

Guardian's mouth soured with raw beans, too much pepper, and food coloring. "Water…" he croaked.

Later that night, Guardian watched from the entrance to the ladies room as Amanda brushed her teeth and spat in the sink. "Ugh…still tasting that raw turkey," she huffed. Ron caught her and pleaded her to eat it.

"Still tasting that stew and Lucky Charmed casserole," Guardian shivered. "Yuck, should have eaten out today."

"Jim, look away," Amanda said dashing to a toilet, "I have to-"

"Oh God, Amanda, don't vomit it-UGH, gross!"

Dr. Spence sighed and wiped her wet finger on her coat. "My grandmother taught me," she croaked fanning away the odor of oral waste.

Guardian did not answer-he dashed to a stall and vomited his 'dinner' out of his guts. By the time they were done, each had lost six pounds of weight.

**25. Tantrum**

The G-Goblins and Sprites watched nervously as Jim growled, screamed, kicked the desk, slammed the keyboard, stomped on the ground, dented the wall, punched the screen, cursed insults in his arm, and dramatically threw his dead, old, outdated computer out the window.

**26. Pancake**

1. "I said before," Guardian sighed, "anything here in Cadmus is not designed to make breakfast"-acknowledging the G-goblins and gnomes running around 'screaming' and trying to put out the fire made from overcooking pancakes, some tried to blow out the flames, others tried fanning it away. He then stood up as they tried to carry a bowl of water to the fire and failed in stopping them

2. Dr. Spence avoided the fire until she opened the top drawer of her desk…and realized her personal bag of chocolate chips was missing. She ran to the kitchen, looked for the ingredients on any table or counter until-"NO! NOT MY PRECIOUS BAG OF CHOCOLATE CHIPS!"

3. Dubbilex watched plainly as the weapons struggled to put out the fire, his colleagues ran around screaming, and glass shattered. He pulled out a bowl and took pleasure in eating the pancake batter

**27. Pizza**

The main employees ordered different kinds of pizza pies and let the Genomorphs have a bite of each, and all of them loved the different options of toppings.

**28. Pets**

"So far this week…they've tried to make pets of snapping turtles, an alien, a rabid fox, a lion, a vulture, a Russell's viper, a black widow spider, and a tree?"

**29. Therapy**

Dr. Sadie Garret stared at her patient-an attractive redhead who kept saying over and over how much he hated his job, but he never explained why.

**30. Liberation**

The G-Goblin kept dreaming that someday Project Kr, in a blue suit with a red cape and diamond-shaped 'S' on his chest, would rush to Cadmus and liberate all their brothers...but some dreams never come true.

**31. Valentine**

On the…something of Saint Valentine's martyrdom, Allie crawled up the ceiling vent and watched Spence and Guardian exchange notes. She narrowed one eye, aimed her arrow to perfection…

_THWAP!_

Guardian cried out and Spence jumped back as he hopped around gripping the side of his now bleeding backside, howling and groaning. Spence watched, and Allie angrily threw down her bow and quiver. By the time she left the ceiling vent, Spence helped guide the redhead into her car and quickly drove to the hospital.

**32. Vacuum**

G-Goblins Luke and Nina tried to vacuum the broken glass on the floor with a vacuum cleaner and ended up causing more damage than the cell phone that the other genomorphs had mistaken for a playing ball.

**33. Begin**

If one was to ask the chief of security how he found Cadmus, he would have replied, "I'm not sure...I think...this place found _me." _

**34. Tan**

Jim was furious-last he checked, he and Amanda were sunbathing on the roof, and the next thing he knew, every scientist had laughed and made fun of him for the small amount of sunscreen someone had used to write 'LOSER' on his chest that stood out from the tan.

**35. Tub**

The G-Goblin stepped inside the small washroom, frowning as he tried to find the head of the labs and the chief scientist, who could help him with whatever was happening to Naomi and Derek. He sighed, walked away, and shut the door.

In a small pattern of bubbles, the redhead and the African American woman gasped for air as they emerged from the secret little hot tub they moved into the building in private hidden behind the showers. "So what did I tell you? Hot tubing naked is fun, huh?" she laughed.

The redhead grinned sheepishly and beckoned to go back under again. "I'm never leaving."

**36. Porn**

Curiosity did indeed kill the cat-Dubbilex knew about 'sex' and 'human reproduction' but seeing it visually on the computers cost him a week of sleep and the ability to speak…or think clearly

**37. Laughter**

Nothing ever made the G-Goblin feel more happier than the rare sound of his brothers' laughing at anything.

**38. Clogging**

Guardian went home and began to plan out how to genomorph-proof certain areas of the building…

…After he wiped the toilet paper and water from his face…

…After he stood in the middle of the stall for half a minute…

…After realizing G-Sprites found out how to clog all the toilets…

…After filthy toilet water and wads of wet paper shot up in his face and on his uniform…

…After squealing G-Sprites flushed the toilet…

…After they pointed out what went wrong…

…After they dragged him to the restroom…

…After they ran up to him and said something was wrong with the bathroom…

…After he welcomed an agent to point out how wonderful Cadmus had become since Desmond left.

**39. Reality**

"That does sound nice," Guardian commented.

"So does Disneyland," huffed Dr. Spence with crossed arms. "Yet for many years and everyday, people complain about the intense heat, long lines, and leaving those giant tea cups coated in vomit."

**40. Alcohol**

The humans seemed to use that liquid stuff to calm down or feel good, but it did not taste good when the genomorphs snuck several bottles of that liquid.

**41. Punishment**

The G-Gnomes John and Kevin warned them, but the girls didn't listen-Eliza, Liliana, Tara, and Cree learned a painful lesson when it came to spying on Guardian as he showered and redressed by cleaning the showers with a toothpick and taking over night duty.

**42. PMS**

When Dr. Spence had that time of month again, she knew a simple strategy to continue working. Dubbilex found that out one September morning when she asked him to take over while she 'did…_pant_…office work…_groan_…"

The goblin agreed and began reading over a new test tube.

The doors flung open and the G-Gnome Vanessa dashed past him and through the other set of doors. The goblin blinked, shrugged, and continued reading. The doors opened again and Vanessa 'ran' past him holding a tea tray above her head. Her 'father figure' frowned and shrugged.

The doors opened again…and the taller of the horned creatures watched Vanessa rush past him at least twelve times bringing Tylenol, boxes of chocolate, heating pads, water, more Tylenol, more boxes of chocolate, more heating pads, more water-

"She's moving around her desk clutching her abdomen and moaning in pain. She keeps going to the bathroom and biting down on a stress ball…something to do with…reproduction-"

The goblin did not let him finish as Vanessa explained what she was doing.

**43. Money**

More than once, considering the brutal nature of her job, the sometimes harsh treatment of the genomorphs, and the overall fear of a rebellion from the gray creatures, Dr. Spence had considered quitting her job, but she stuck with the employment anyway, reminding herself about bills she had to pay.

**44. Spelling**

"All right, Katherine," Elliot 'said' in the microphone, "your word is 'attractive.'"

"Use it in a sentence," Katherine said looking at all the other weapons watching her in the annual Cadmus Spelling Bee.

"Guardian is the most sexually attractive redhead in the history of sex symbols."…

"Marcie, your word is 'annoy."

"Uh, can you use it in a sentence?"

"Dr. Spence tends to annoy me when she does not wear a push-up bra or low-cut shirt to work."

**45. Bedtime**

1. Dr. Spence sighed, guided the little G-Gnome Vanessa into the bathroom, coaxed her to 'brush her teeth,' go back to her 'bed,' and then she'd read her a bedtime story. Vanessa begged for _Pinkalicious _or a Bernstein Bears book.

2. The man in the gold helmet looked away from his computer to see the smaller G-Gnome Crispin snuggled against his chest, his 'fists' up to his mouth, his 'feet' curled against Guardian's abdomen. The man sighed, reached into his desk, pulled out a washcloth, laid it over Crispin's body, and removed it only after he began to put Crispin back in his 'bed.'

3. "No no, no!" little Phil whined jumping around angrily. Dubbilex moaned and rubbed his face. "No, no, no, no bedtime-"

"Everything here at Cadmus must go to bed, Phil, because-"

"NO, NO, NO!" Phil jumped around the walls and cried out. Dubbilex shook his head and spent seven hours chasing him around the building, only to end up going to bed himself.

**46. Stall**

Sometimes, if an experiment went wrong or if she regretted not faking sick, Dr. Spence dashed to the women's bathroom, claiming that she felt sick in her stomach and needed to vomit, when in reality she pulled out her iPod and bobbed her head to the music.

**47. Foreign**

Dubbilex watched as Camilla and Matt read a gargantuan atlas and dreamed about setting 'foot' on the pink, yellow, green, blue, gray, and beige land masses.

**48. Sky**

Showing the clouds and the stars to the projects from Cadmus is a moment Guardian will always remember…and wish he could repeat over again.

**49. Retirement**

As soon as Guardian said he was retiring and going to be Jim Harper from now on, he had no idea all the creatures had a private farewell- retirement party and brooded for a whole week.

**50. Reflection**

Years later, standing on the rooftop of the building, Project Kr looked at his birthplace, recalled every moment of his liberation with a fresh start, wondered about his brothers, and tried to imagine what would have happened to them had he taken the time to actually save them from slavery.

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So what did you think? Let me know!

Secret: Like many fans, my interest in Conner began to decrease as Season 1 progressed (i.e. due to his behavior in 'Failsafe', his overprotective nature over Megan, etc.), but my respect later grew following 'Agendas' because when he was determined to free Match despite his uncontrollable nature, regardless of what everyone else told him was the better decision, it was metaphorically like the younger, healthier brother caring about and defending the unstable older brother. That proved a major point to me.

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April 1st, 2013:

You know what I just realized?

Yeah, I know. I hate Author's Notes too. But I do have something to point out.

Now that YJ has been cancelled...if it's not renewed for a third season as the planned meeting is supposed to go...do you think Greg will stop answering SPOILER REQUEST/NO COMMENT to certain questions on AskGreg? And do you think that it might be 'safe' to look at some of the NO COMMENT ones and re-ask him? I remember when he would answer SPOILER REQUEST to some questions that I think were never answered or shown in either the comics or episodes. Think it would be safe to ask him again about some of those questions? I mean, I don't know if even the video game can answer all of those questions (do you think it really would say who Raquel is marrying, when Lian was born, and what happened to the genomorphs?). What do you say?


End file.
